


Josh & Donna & Leo & CJ

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-20
Updated: 2002-10-20
Packaged: 2019-05-30 22:33:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh & Donna talk to Leo & CJ about the birds and the bees and cheesecake.





	Josh & Donna & Leo & CJ

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Josh & Donna & Leo & CJ**

**by:**   


**Category/Pairing:** Josh/Donna  
**Written:** April 20, 2002  
**Rating:** ADULT for language  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never gonna be mine. Anything you recognize from pop culture isn't mine either. If it was, would I still be this deep in debt? Really, if you want my crappy ass job, truck payment and two emotionally disturbed cats you're welcome to them.  
**Summary:** 4th in the Joshua Monologues Series, Josh & Donna talk to Leo & CJ about the birds and the bees and cheesecake. 

* * *

Josh isn't in his office when I get to work, but CJ is waiting at my desk, wearing this odd little grin.

"Come with me, sister."

"CJ, I've got a ton of..."

"Josh is in Staff, we've got plenty of time."

Oh.

She leads me to the mess, which is conveniently deserted. We stake out a corner table away from the main seating area.

"You held out on me."

CJ's looking at me over her coffee cup with a smirk on her face.

I'm blushing. I can feel it.

"I wasn't sure."

"Well?"

"Is that a chocolate, chocolate chip muffin? Do you know what the calorie count is in that?"

"Donna."

"CJ."

"Spill your guts."

You just have to love the way CJ just gets right to the point, don't you?

***

I'm sitting in Leo's office waiting for, you know, I don't know quite what Leo's going to say to me. 

I'm pretty sure that CJ is shaking down Donna since she wasn't at the morning staff meeting. Divide and conquer.

The door from the Oval Office opens. I'm about to get tag-teamed. Shit.

President Bartlet is looking me up and down, like he's trying to decide which 'don't mess with my daughter' speech he is going to use.

"We're just going to wait for Abbey before we start," he informs me.

I am a dead man.

***

"So, there was a lot of sex last weekend?"

If I weren't bright red already, I would have been after that question. She's dissecting me. It's not fun.

Maybe if I just admit it, this can be over soon.

"Yes, there was a lot of sex last weekend."

"Good sex?"

I sigh, there's no easy way out of this.

"Very good sex."

CJ's looking at me like the Cheshire Cat.

***

Abbey comes into Leo's office and we all sit. I'm trying to stuff myself into the corner of a chair and disappear.

The only feeling that compares to this was when I picked Elizabeth Johnson up for our Senior Prom and her dad threatened me with bodily harm if I so much as thought about doing something inappropriate with his daughter.

Except the part of Mr. Johnson is being played by the leader of the free world. 

"Joshua."

It begins.

"Has your doctor cleared you for the type of activities that Leo and my wife tell me you are engaging in these days?"

Hello Alice, I'm Josh. What's with the giant, white rabbit and the pocket watch?

Did the President just ask me if I was physically capable of having sex? 

"Oh, lighten up, Josh."

"Sir?"

"We're simply concerned for your health. You're not as young as you used to be." 

"I'm not exactly dead either, Sir."

"This is a highly aerobic activity we're talking about here, Josh. Men have heart attacks while engaging in sexual intercourse all the time. Very embarrassing way to go."

Abbey glares at the him before turning to me.

"Congratulations, Josh. I'm sure that you and Donna will be very happy."

I look down at my shoes; it's a nervous habit.

When I look back up again, the First Lady is smiling at me.

"Thank you, Ma'am." It's easy to return her smile.

"We're going to leave you alone with Leo now," President Bartlet says. "Leo, if you decide to go with Plan B, the Secret Service is right outside."

Leo shuts the door behind the Barlets with a shake of his head, then turns back to me.

***

"The kitchen counter?"

CJ is staring at me in disbelief.

"While feeding me cheesecake, CJ."

"What the hell are the logistics of that?"

Let us have a frank discussion about my new friend Spongebob, shall we?

"You've just got to slide forward so your butt is barely on the counter. He's supporting most of your weight. I'd recommend disinfecting before you use the counter for anything else, though."

"Where else?"

"Not so much where as how."

She raises an eyebrow at me. I take a bite of my muffin.

"How?"

"Let me count the ways."

"Donna, I have to work with this man."

I point my muffin at myself. "And I don't?"

"Yeah, but you're actually sleeping with him."

"Not so much sleeping, no."

"Donna!"

I am the picture of innocence.

"You started this."

My 'embarrass the hell out of CJ' plan is working well. I think I'll just continue.

"By the end of the weekend we'd covered most of the positions in the 'The Expert's Guide to Tantric Sex'."

"He does not have that book."

"Yes, yes he does. I spent Saturday night picking out positions I thought would be interesting."

"What? You just go 'I wanna try that'?"

"Pretty much."

"Kinkiest thing he did?"

Gee, there was so much. I have to pick one thing?

"We're laying on the couch watching TV and he's sucking my toes when he puts his foot up the leg of my shorts and gets me off with his big toe."

"His what?"

"Toe."

"He used his toe to..."

"While he was sucking on mine."

"Oh my."

***

"Josh, I'm going to say some things that I'm sure you are already aware of."

The part of my father to be portrayed by Leo McGarry.

"Leo..."

He interrupts me.

"Shut up and listen."

Okay. I'll just disappear into this chair again.

"You are being careful, right?"

What am I? Sixteen?

"Leo..."

"Tell me you are not having unprotected sex. This administration does not need the two of you becoming parents during the campaign."

I'm going to die. Right here.

"I'm having responsible sex. Donna's on the pill."

I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my boss. If my career were not in his hands, I'd be indignant about this entire thing.

***

CJ decides she's heard enough when I tell her about the toe sucking, she stands up so fast she knocks her chair over. Hey, she wanted to know this crap.

I'm humming the theme song to Spongebob Squarepants as we walking back the Operations bullpen.

CJ keeps giving me a funny look.

No, I didn't tell her about that. There are some things a girl must keep to herself.

Josh still isn't back yet.

"What do you think Leo is doing to him?"

"Telling him to keep his hands off you at work."

"Like that's gonna happen."

Josh has always been a touchy-feely guy. If he doesn't touch me during the day, people will think something is wrong.

***

"This is what we're going to do. As far as HR is concerned, Donna is being reassigned to this office as the Deputy Assistant to the Chief of Staff. That means I will take care of Donna's performance reviews. I am assigning her to your office as the Senior Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff for Strategic Planning. There will be no touching in the office."

"Leo, I touch Donna all the time. If I stop, somebody's going to notice and start asking questions."

"No touching of a sexually explicit nature. If I find out you two have had sex anywhere in the West Wing, I'll fire you both. I'm serious. Otherwise, when you are in the office, just do things like you've always done them."

That sounds reasonable.

"On the campaign trail, you will room with Sam, Donna will share a room with CJ. You will avoid all broom and/or janitorial and/or office supply closets; all restrooms with locking doors; if you are in a room alone together, a door will be open. I'm happy you've decided that this is what you both want, but your timing sucks."

These are rules I can live by.

"Donna should get a PO Box and change her address with personnel. That way, if and when you change your living arrangements, it's not immediately obvious. Now get the hell out of here."

I hadn't thought of that. Leo's really put some effort into this. It's rather frightening.

"Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"What was with that?" I crawl out of the chair, gesturing towards the Oval Office 

"He just wanted to mess with you. He's got three daughters, he's an expert. Abbey just thinks you two are cute together. She mentioned the show from the other night, by the way. Said you were the essence of decorum and a fine, shining example of how a gentleman should behave in public."

"Oh. She was drinking, you know."

"I figured that out when she described your behavior as 'gentlemanly'."

I stand near the door, hesitating. There's something else I want to bring up. Leo has turned his attention to the paperwork on his desk.

"Leo, I haven't said anything to anybody but you and CJ. I'm not sure I want to, yet."

He looks up from his paper and meets my eyes. "I'll tell him."

"Thanks."

"Get the hell out of my office."

* * *

Next: "St. Valentine's Day Massacre:" 

"So I can spin your midnight trip to the emergency room at the morning press briefing. Unless you want me to tell the Press Corps that you broke your leg having kinky sex with your girlfriend."


End file.
